We Own The Night

today I came without my mom to a clinic appt for the first time, though she has dropped me off at my psychologist visits a million times, and they had to go through a process and ask permission, and call my mom and everything because she wasn’t here with me… REALLY??? its so stupid.. not to mention, yes, im not 18 yet, but I’m less than 2 months away, does it really matter THAT much? its not like you’re gonna get sued because you let a 17 year old go into her Dr. appt without her mommy..

17 is such a shitty gray-area age.. no one is ever sure of what is legal for 17 year olds vs. 18 year olds… what if i was moved out and emancipated? I can do that at 17, but i still need a parent to see my Dr? stupid..

IM GETTING A SOCIAL LIFE!!!!! :)

(Source: melted-ch0colate)

Its June 18th.. just over a month away!!!!!!!

It’s my last free Saturday before I graduate and I get off work at 4

and between the two of them, they total to be 5 pages long (on OpenOffice)… i swear, i could write an entire book about our future life…

fitisunderneathfat:

AND you respond to your follower’s personal posts/ give your followers encouragement. I need more blogs to follow! 

Whoooooo!!

They said that when I had my first abdominal ultrasound(Jan 24th) it was 12mm and at the second(April 13th) it was 14mm.. since it doesn’t cause me any pain, they’re just gonna take it out when I have my gastric bypass… I mean, its not really that big of deal, but still, i was kinda like, Holy Crap.. I guess its a good thing that this surgery is making me get everything checked out

David asked when and i said “most likely mid-June” and all grant had to say was “My birthday?” hahaha I loved it, and it was so cute the way he said it.. his birthday is June 23rd, and I had already thought “what if it was on Grant’s birthday?” but I don’t think they’ll do it on a Saturday, so we can scratch that off the list. Now that he knows, it makes me wonder if in June, will he ask about it? When I talk to him after, will he ask how I’m doing? what will he think of me afterwards? And I see David every week or two, generally.. I wonder if afterwards, David will periodically tell Grant “you should see Kendall.. she looks great”.. I’m thinking about hiding all the pictures that i post on facebook, post-op, from Grant, and only showing him when I get to certain milestones, or just waiting to see him again.. which makes me wonder, will he say something about “I want to see how you look” and if I were to tell him “No, you have to see it in person.” would he have a little more incentive to come see me? just to see the new me? I may just be thinking too much into it, and he may just be like any guy and not really care, but I don’t think he’s that way… he really pays attention, I think he really does care, and I’m curious to see what happens in the coming months :)

since i have been expressing my issues to him recently, for whatever reason… I’ve come to a lot of “because its you/grant”s.. with him everything I thought I knew about myself is different… I’m not jealous, but with him I’d probably be jealous of his mom spending time with him. I don’t normally over-react, but with him it feels like all I can do is think about the worst and worry about him all the time..

Sunday night i was being all super dramatic and cry-y, and sent him a message.. with the message that he sent back, i could just read it and feel that he really cares about me, even as a friend, and that means more to me than anything.. Saturday my little sister told me “oh my god, Grant REALLY listens to you.. when you were talking to him I could just see in his face that you had his undivided attention and that he was really listening” and that’s just one more reason I love him.. if he ever falls for me, I will consider myself to be the luckiest girl in the world…. is he a busy guy? yes.. could that put a strain on a relationship? possibly.. but if he ever told me he loved me, I wouldn’t care about anything else because I can tell that he is the type of person that gives love his all…

plus, if he ever asked me out or asked me to be his girlfriend, oh my god, you’d be able to feel the happiness across the world..I’d get reeeeeally happy, and just beam, and then I’d ask “can we please kiss now? I’ve been waiting years for this” and then after we had a beautiful, passionate kiss, i would say “Ive also been waiting years to say this, and I can’t believe I’m about to say it to you, but I love you soooo so much Gregory Grant Terry”

and everything would be perfect in the world..

Worry about Grant issues waaayy less in the future and always remember that he is sweet and means well :)

Friday was great (see my last post) but yesterday FUCKING SUCKED!!! He barely talked to me at all, and there were just a million things that sucked yesterday.. then today I was gonna tell him bye and leave on a better note than yesterday, but they left before church was even over, so I couldn’t say anything to better the situation… I don’t know what to do…?

I asked Grant to prom, and he said no, but I understand. He said that he honestly doesn’t really have the money for gas, and he cant take off even more from work so we pretty much got over the conversation….

What made last night so awesome was the amount of attention Grant was giving me… last June when I saw him, he almost fought making eye contact with me during songs, but last night it was something he often did, and he even winked at me during “dance with you” though I don’t know what that was about..

I got there waaay before anyone, even before David and Grant, so I was there the entire time they were setting up, and unfortunately, I’m so used to just standing there while they do their thing and them not saying a word to me, but he was asking david were he wanted to stand on stage, and then he was like “Kendall, were do you want to stand? you’re gonna be our back-up dancer”

Then all night it was “Kendall!!! Meet my friend Kendall yall” or “Kendall.. Kendallkins!!!” and he kept putting the attention on me.. at one point, a couple drunk chicks were saying something about who won something (?) and one was like “Black shirt team wins!” and the other goes “RED team wins!!” and Grant was like “My friend Kendall wins!” He even said “Hold on, we’re gonna take a picture with you and I’m gonna tweet it!” and I hadn’t even said anything about a picture..

Also, I ran Merch! :) and he kept coming over to the table/bar to talk to me, and actually really wanted my input on things.. also, i think he was kind of impressed on how I merched :)

Basically, Last night was just great and I wouldn’t trade it for anything..